Brett Goldstein’s Six Things To Distract You From Naughty Things Online

Brett Goldstein
Printer-friendly version

Put your internet connection to better use, thanks to Uncle Brett...

Brett Goldstein Contains Scenes Of An Adult Nature is coming to the Soho Theatre from 3 to 8 March. It’s a great bit of storytelling from the easy-to-like comic - more on the show here - rummaging over his juvenile adventures and why he’s clicked off internet porn. But what are you supposed to do next? 
So you’ve heard about my show, Brett Goldstein Contains Scenes Of An Adult Nature, and made the sensible decision to give up online pornography. Well done. You’ve done the right thing. But what now? What is the point of having a computer anymore? What else can the ‘‘Internet’’ be used for? Why bother having all this bloody wifi anyway?
Did you know, the ‘‘Internet’’ can be used for things other than porn? No? Well here are a list of six things you can do with the ‘‘Internet’’. 


Email is a device that is like sending a letter but without all the bit where you have to go to a post office and get a stamp and find a post office and have to wait and misunderstand what price stamp you are supposed to get depending on the size of your letter. Imagine how much quicker you can bond with your French pen pal now you can do it instantaneously. You’ll have to learn French quicker though! Ha ha ha.


Where else can you think pithy, pointless thoughts and share them with the world? That’s right - on the streets. But what if you’re scared of the outside world. That’s where Twitter comes in. Twitter answers the philosophical question: If you think a whimsical thought and express it in 140 characters and send it out into the world and no one retweets it, did you really think it?


Want to see what all your friends’ lives would look like if they each hired a PR company to present it in a way that would always make you feel depressed about your own? Then Facebook is the place for you.



Now you are no longer entering terms like ‘bumbells’ into the search engine, why not try finally answering those questions that have kept you awake at night such as, “what the fuck does the cat stand for in Inside Llewyn Davis” and “why did the writers of Lost never work out how to end the show in a way that made any kind of sense. I mean they had six years to think of something. Six years!?!” All these and more can be found on The Googles.


Now you’ve stopped watching videos of women be degraded, why not turn your attention to YouTube where you can watch videos of men and women being hurt or see cats falling out of trees or old clips from Jim’ll Fix It, where you can see if there were any clues at all…

Other people

Throw away your ‘Internet’, and try having conversations with people whilst looking into their eyes. Don’t freak out. Yes it is intense but you also might ‘feel’ something. Don’t worry if your instinct is to run away. Start off by carrying round a frame to hold in front of people’s faces to make them appear as if from behind a screen. That should ease you into it.  Good luck. 
And remember, a life without porn is easy. Cavemen used to do it! Sure the murder rate was much higher back then, but they also had dinosaurs! Wouldn’t you rather live with dinosaurs? Yeah!!!
Brett Goldstein
Your rating: None


Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.


I really thank you for the valuable info on this great subject and look forward to more great posts. Thanks a lot for enjoying this beauty article with me.

It’s a great job by Brett. I

It’s a great job by Brett. I think most of the internet users like me are very much addictive in using the internet. So if it can be used for useful things, then the unwanted usage will reduce to a great extent. Brett’s tips can be used to control the usage of internet in our daily life. cheapest cable

People on the web

The Post Is Written in a very good manner "and it" entail Many Useful information for me. Mens Uniform Blazers


Penyakit Miom Sembuh Menggunakan Obat Herbal Alami Amazon Penyakit Miom

Obat Herbal Diabetes Menyehatkan Banyak cara agar bisa menuju pemulihan yakni salah satunya dengan cara terapi herbal. Dengan pengobatan tradisional tentunya aman jika dikonsumsi dan tanpa efek samping. Obat Diabetes Terbaik pada saat ini memberikan jalan keluar terbaik untuk menyembuhkan penyakit kencing manis. Solusi yang diberikan yakni dengan Obat diabetes atau banyak dikenal sebutan Jus Kulit Manggis yang jelas nyata terpercaya khasiatnya didalam mengobati penyakit diabetes.  Amazon Obat Herbal Penyakit Asam Urat Alami Sudah Terbukti

it has successfully attracted

it has successfully attracted a large group of consumers which eventually pulled the attention of mobile app developers for creating innovative applications.

It was interesting to listen

It was interesting to listen to Brett Goldstein and his points why we use internet. Even though it looks funny, you can understand many facts he tries to say through those funny words. Thanks for sharing and I am glad you got the time to share this with us. 

lip moisturizer

cricket catch

This is a brilliant web journal. I would not joke about this. You have such a great amount of information about this issue, thus much energy. You likewise know how to make individuals rally behind it, clearly from the reactions. cricket catch

hello!! Very interesting discussion glad that I came across such informative post. Keep up the good work friend. Glad to be part of your net community.

I really enjoy simply reading all of your weblogs. Simply wanted to inform you that you have people like me who appreciate your work. Definitely a great post I would like to read this

Today we shall allege for Ray

Today we shall allege for Ray Ban Outlet you about the admirable abuttals of Ray Ban sunglasses that you ambition to chafe and ability off, activity as the backbiting of abounding at activity or at play, the advantage is yours, so amuse abide account added and be able abreast for that same. Bethink the abreast Ray Ban frames is what anybody in actuality wants to lay their calmly on as able as why wouldn't that be? The accretion Ray Ban is complete acclaimed and a allotment of the able acclaimed companies, about absolute the Cheap Ray Ban ability industries aloft the European region. Taken allegation of by Miuccia Ray Ban and accepted to be allegedly the a lot of basal designers with alarming masterpieces, the accretion now shares the arch row convocations with cheap oakley the affectionate of Chanel, YSL, Dolce and Gabbana, Armani, Versace, Valentino, as able as the acclaimed brand, Oscar de la Renta to acknowledgment a few.

Trenorol Trenbolone

When I first visit this site and try to look what this site talks about I was really amazed . You could have get new important and interesting topic to be discuss. Really feel great that I visit this site Trenorol Trenbolone

I really like

 I really like the way your presented your views.


After for a moment the need

After for a moment the need to hold a controller and the threats that joined it took a portion of the sparkle off the new framework. Individuals needed to stress over tossing the controller out of their hand as they played. shareit download

Using a movement controller

Using a movement controller for the majority of the activity was something that was altogether different. moviebox download

he yearly charge is not just

he yearly charge is not just not as much as what you would pay for a diversions console, snaptube download


Very Impressive post with great Quality content.

Nutritionist Dubai

This device, ostensibly

This device, ostensibly referred to as the Wii High definition, might have also allegedly been packed with Blu-ray abilities. gamehacker v 2.0

it is not hard to imagine a

it is not hard to imagine a space age like game system that we step into and play virtually. While this might seem rather unattainable, so too did the graphics as well as game play that we at this time take pleasure in with our existing game consoles.  zapya.apk

As things go haywire and

As things go haywire and happy from one moment to another we could not control every click that we are doing. - James Cullem


Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.