Circuit Breakers: Hal Cruttenden asks Jarred Christmas about Jupp, Jimmy and more

 

(Here's Hal's answers, incidentally.)

 

Jarred Christmas, the consummate Kiwi loudmouth comedian, is a big-glassed, big-haired, big-collared bundle of fun. He tells us about his ‘look’, what is wrong with Miles Jupp, and his take on the Jimmy Carr tax business. (No questions on the Persuasionists, mind, but we did have that on the site twice last week so that’s probably for the best.)

 

Before we get started, let's all watch Jarred dancing as Madonna:

 

 

TO QUESTIONS.

 

Jarred: It’s the water; it’s so natural and full of goodness that it permeates through our entire beings. In regards to babysitting your kids, you are too trusting, we are good people but most kiwis would whilst babysitting your children teach them to say things like "Mate" after everything, "Sweet as" in response to the question "How are you?", and insert "Dan Carter is a Faaarkin legend" into any sport conversation.

 

Well first of all thank you. My looks have caused girls to fall off bikes and to aim for excellence in all their endeavours. It helps to be easy on the eye in comedy. It’s tough to laugh when you are looking at someone and thinking: "Was he hit with a shovel at birth or has God done a massive poo where his face is meant to be and I can’t possibly laugh at this, it’s too tragic. Quick someone set up a charity for this guy*"

*Unless you are immensely funny, then that trumps looks every time and so it should. I hate good looking people, that’s why I have had to let myself go a bit.

 

Miles Jupp, he is just so damn good, at everything. Great comic, great actor, great parent. I wouldn't kill him though; I would extract his DNA and conduct experiments until I had discovered an elixir of Jupp, which I would then inject into myself and thus become a super comedian/actor/parent*. 

*Not in order of priority. Phew.

 

Everyone dodges tax when they can. It’s an accountant’s version of dodge ball. Immoral? Maybe. I agree with comics getting off tax entirely. We (the comedians) through the medium of laughter have given more to society than nurses, care workers, Steve Jobs, Mother Teresa, the Samaritans, who ever created the Snickers bar, teachers, dogs, anal bleachers, milliners, Empire magazine, and Mother Nature put together.

 

It’s my secret mate. It’s so secret that I forgot where I put the secret and have not won since 2010. That’s two years award-free, mate. It hurts. Is it better to have won and lost than never to of won at all? Yes, definitely. I have a little trophy that I am gently rubbing against myself as I answer your question... loser.

 

 

And Hal, we are totally stealing your 'which comedian would you kill' question for future use.

 

Check back in next week when Jarred asks the questions.

 

See Jarred Christmas in ‘Lets Go MoFo’ from 1st – 26th August at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, Gilded Balloon Dinning Room. For tickets see Ed Fringe. Follow Jarred on Twitter @jarredchristmas and visit him over here, and visit Hal over here, and get tickets for his month at the Pleasance Courtyard here...