Deborah Frances-White tries to cop SSP off with her friends

 

It is, it’s a sort of party show. Hang on, my friend’s just turned up, so I’m managing both of you. Are you single?

 

I’m going to set you up on a blind date, I think you’d get on.

 

You’re gay? That’s not going to work out at all...how tall are you?

 

She’s open to it, because she’s much more interested in height.

 

I’m really sorry about that. I haven’t really thought through what’s in it for you, I won't lie to you.

 

Okay, I’ll keep an eye out while I’m talking to you, because you sound very good looking. And you’re gay, so you’re probably in great shape. Which is a horrible stereotype, but I bet you are though. 

 

Yeah, it's working isn't it? Anyway, my show will be a delightful affair. I don't want it to be one of those show's that's all, what are you doing, and what's that like – at a party there's much more fluidity. We'll be playing lots of fun games, like Hashtag Hashtag – Thom Tuck, our resident barman, will read out what's trending that very second, and we have to talk about it – it could be Justin Bieber or something really important, and we have to talk about it. And we'll have a clothes swap too, so we could get Emmy the Great to make Arthur Smith wear her vintage t-shirts. I think it's going to be riotous. 

We've also got a resident animator, David Trent. He's made the titles and will be doing interesting things with incredible animation. He's got titles like telly titles, but they're very funny, and during Hashtag Hashtag he'll have an animated thing.

 

We want our guests to have a super time – they'll all come in at once after some stand-up at the top. Like a good party there'll be hookups, so we're also going to reseat the audience for people who are single – maybe we'll find you someone there, put you together with some hot boy. Actually I did put together a gay journalist with a TV producer and they got together – they both got in contact after the show on Facebook and said, do you have the other guys' contact details. So the audience get involved and we'll have a lot of fun with them. 

 

I'll definitely be more Norton than Parkinson, but I like to think it'll be Deborah Frances-White, and that will be its own new genre.

 

Yeah, I made him do a full course. He'll be throwing bottles...it'll be impressive. If you know his work and how much he likes drinking, this is basically his dream job.

 

It was probably the time that a celebrity who cannot be named was hanging off my balcony and a ladder had to fetched as he could not be got up the way he went. It was like Michael Jackson dangling a baby, only a celebrity dangling himself.

 

A potent combination of hijinks and tequila.

 

Exactly, that's the plan.

 

Tina Fey would be an amazing guest, although she says she's a terrible party guest. So maybe...David Tennant? He'd be jolly good fun.

 

Actually you know who the best party guest is I've ever seen? Richard E Grant. He doesn't drink, but he's the most extraordinary party guest. 

 

Oh god. Tricky, you don't want to drop your friends in it. I once at a party sat next to Lily Cole. She had the longest legs I'd ever seen and the most extraordinary red hair. And I didn't feel intimidated because I remember thinking it was like comparing yourself to an elf. It was a Chanel party I'd talked myself in to, we went in more as tourists than guests...in a good way, she was like something from Lord of the Rings, like a whole other species.

 

I'm so unnerdy, I don't do the science fiction, I don't get it. 

 

I'm not – I'll be taking up Cult Following, a show about my years as a Jehovah's Witness, between 14 and early twenties, so I'm revealing what it's like to be inside the cult. And I'm also doing a show called Voices In My Head, where I take well-known sketch and stand-up comedians and take them through an improvisational experience that neither me or they will ever forget. 

 

About two years in the West End, done two UK tours, Melbourne, Edinburgh, Adelaide...it's done the funny but I'm now moving on.

 

Yeah, I'm pretty confident at the show's ability to change lives. It's a life-changer. If you see it, you never go back.

 

Oh hundreds. Not always relationships, but lots going, goodness, I'm just so much sexier. It does work.