What is your favourite conspiracy theory and why?
Pass
Are your parents still waiting for you to get a "proper job"?
No. My Mum's dead and my Dad's enjoying the cheques.
If you had to be stuck on a desert island with anyone in the world,
but you couldn't have sex with them, who would you chose?
My friend Kash. He's easy to talk to, easy to listen to, and easy to be
quiet around.
Do toilets tell you a lot about a place?
Well in most public places, men's toilets are worse smelling, looking, and
harder to get to than the women's. Sometimes when I'm feeling ballsy and
irritable I use the women's. It's kind of a social statement.
I should, but I don't quite get…
I'll tell you what I'm most puzzled by at the moment. Love songs. Why are
there so many? Surely this emotion has been well chronicled. Don't get me
wrong, I've participated in love. I know what it's about. But enough said.
I get it. That's why I like music from the seventies - it seems artists
were trying to capture other emotions. Love is the most overwrought subject
on earth, especially considering how much goes on nowadays that doesn't
involve love at all. It's a genre that's gone from the ironic to the moronic,
and it affects a lot of the women I know in their film choices.
Is using props in a stand-up routine cheating?
No. Our job is to entertain, that's why we're here. Everything is a tool,
whether it's your face or a puppet. I think most comics who turn their noses
up at props are snobs. Fuck them.
Is anything taboo for you?
No. There are some things I haven't figured out how to make funny yet, but
nothing that I would consider off limits.
Do you get stage fright? If so, how do you deal with it?
Yes. It happens when I'm distracted or upset by something else. When that
happens I'm not in the room. But if you talk about what's fucking with you,
it brings you back. We all have different versions of ourselves for different
people; your parents, your friends, and sometimes you can't be the version
you have to be for stand-up on a particular night. So sometimes you have
to be willing to let a gig be shit so you can get your soul back.
Laurel or Hardy?
Laurel or Hardy? "Which one is which? The skinny one was the funniest, but
you can't have one without the other. Every double act needs a straight
man. Football needs a goalie.
A man walks into a bar…
I don't hate this sort of joke, I just don't work that side of the street.
Top tip?
Sarah Milligan: She's going to teach me about the North, and I'm going to
make her edgier. And Josh Howie. He's dangerous. When he's up on stage,
he will say anything.
Is SSP a shit name?
It's not shit. But it sounds like you're trying too hard to be cute.