Comedy news: Such Small Portions's blog

Saturday 27th June

If you’re waking up feeling like an escapee from some strange experimental spa then it can only mean one thing; it’s your second day at Glastonbury. 

The world’s biggest festival was up nice and early this morning, mainly because the sun has microwaved their tent, but also because most festival-goers shared one burning desire: to see Rolf Harris. 

Australia’s most-loved export graced the Glastonbury stage for no less than the fourth time in his career to the delight of what looked like half the festival. 

The organisers have failed to learn that Rolf is easily one of the festival’s biggest draws and thousands had to settle for watching Rolf in a neighbouring field as the Jazz world stage where he had been billed to appear was overloaded. 

For those lucky enough to catch Rolf they were treated to a selection of his greatest classics. Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport and Waltzing Matilda were given a warm reception but Rolf has much more up his sleeve. 

No one expected him to partake in a beat box rap with young rapper B B Manic to a song about a Pavlova and the ageing Aussie also possess some excellent comic timing :“Thanks for the spontaneous applause!” Rolf uttered. “I've always found the best way to achieve spontaneity is through thorough planning.” 

We tried in vain to get an interview but instead had to settle for watching his endless signing session for fans (though Photo Alex did manage to get a firm handshake and a ‘Thanks’ from Rolf before he headed off). 

One of the other highlights of the day was in the Cabaret tent with a highly polished set from Mary Bourke who, apart from giving the young female audience members new reasons to chastise their other half while, touched upon some excellent darkl humour and also managed to finish a Sudoku while on stage. 

We headed to watch Bruce Springsteen headline the Pyramid but were back in the Cabaret tent in time to catch Brendan Burn’s. 

Burns manages to persuade you to forgive him of all his flaws by exposing them early on; “You don’t have to tell me - I know I’m a bigot.” He shouts to the audience before launching into a no-holds-barred tirade about Jade Goody. 

You can’t be truly offended when Burn’s acts in this way because he has already absolved himself from blame, which if you watch closely is his way of showing how un-bigotist or offensive his actually is. Burn's tirades are more akin to a fiery confession than a routine and the audience are taken in for the ride, allowing Burn's to shoulder the responsibility for pointing out how stupid the world is abeit in his own unique way.

Friday 26th June 2009

Day two of Glastonbury (officially really day one) and already the musical event of the weekend is not going to emerge from the likes of the Pyramid Stage, uexpectedly it came from across the pond in LA with news of the death of Michael Jackson. 

It is amazing how quickly news can travel, especially when you are stuck in a field with barely enough reception to update a twitter feed - but apathy can travel even faster. 

Michael Jackson’s unfortunate demise has spread faster than Swine Flu but within minutes it already seemed to be old news. Sure, the DJ’s played tribute songs and journalists awaited the Pyramid Stage this morning hoping that Eavis might make a profound statement before the opening act, (he is one of Time Magazine’s most influential people in the world afterall) but alas no official statement was announced and the masses were already 'over' the king of pop's demise.

That didn’t stop the media bandwagon which is the Glastonbury Press Corps trying in vain to find some kind of comment on the situation. You would think that with the world’s greatest concentration of musicians on the planet (at the moment) on your doorstep there would be plenty of obituaries from the likes of Neil Young et al, but again they've drawn a blank. 

According to our sources, the BBC searched in vain last night to find someone, anyone, who cared a damn about the death of the ‘80s legend. But in the age of the viral text message the story had become old hat before I even made it back to my tent never mind BBC Breakfast News. 

So, in true fashion it was left to the cabaret tent to truly give Glastonbury it’s Michael Jackson epitaph. 

And there is no place better than the Early Edition to truly exorcise the demons of the late, great, popstar's life. 

Andre Vincent was the first to crack a Jackson gag with ‘Well, that was one arrest that finally work’ before Brigstocke chimed in with his own about the funeral; ‘They’ll arrive in black and it’ll gradually fade ’ before an impromptu ‘show us your Michael Jackson txt joke ’ sprang around the whole of the tent. 

It seems that mocking Jackson is fair game in life or death but to be fair, the only other news of note today was that Vladimir Putin had stormed a local Russian supermarket to demand a reduction in the price of sausages. 

However this is where the Early Edition comes into its own. There are very few TV or Radio programmes which can be reproduced as well in front of a live audience and still capture that originality which makes it a hit show. 

With a Glastonbury audience lacking their usual link with the outside world the chance to wax lyrical over the day’s news was a moment to savour. 

The show has a group dynamic which comes into its own whenever they can take on a particular story and run with it, using the various talents of Brigstocke, Vincent and Phill Jupitus to follow the main theme until it is thoroughly lost in an abstract world. 

A simple story about the plight of the Watervole in the Western Daily News managed to quickly become transformed into a condom joke without a moments pause, with Brigstocke and Jupitus ad-libbing Westcountry accents to discuss the finer side of furry sex preventatives. 

Brigstocke is the most amusing to watch. Almost every subject the veteran comic touches upon will finish with the same outcome ‘journalists are fucking idiots’. His criticism is particularly acerbic whenever he talks about the Daily Mail, where he can expose their ridiculous online gypsy poll, or simply calling the Express fascists - ‘Journalists are fucking idiots’ should be added to his CV. 

But vociferous comments aside, the chance to bring down the Fourth Estate is possibly a good social commentary on the encroachment of vacuous press-release re-writes in modern journalism - though we will save that debate for a later date and possibly ask Brigstocke himself, hopefully before he buggers off out of the mud to his luxury ensuite caravan. 

The highlight of the day has to be that the comedy bill is actually a much more stellar than we first thought. 

SSP was worried that the gods of Glastonbury had decided that comedy wasn't as important as Lily Allen but low and behold Phill Jupitus seems to have come out of nowhere to be onstage with the Early Edition and other comedy gems such as Andrew Maxwell and Craig Campbell are also in attendance, even though you won’t see them on any festival line-up. Add this to the already confirmed Ed Byrne, Josie Long and Brendan Burns and a much more thoroughly enjoyable weekend awaits us. 

We’re also glad that a certain poetic genius named Lady Carol is gracing the Poetry Stage with her presence at least twice over the weekend and she is well worth a watch. 

SSP will keep you posted but alas, we are off to bail out my tent with a bucket and dry off the majority of my clothing before catching the specials, playing the 'What would you do for a DairyLea' game and possibly finding that comey Nivarna with Andrew Maxwell with the Full Mooners at midnight.

Tim

Thursday 25th June 2009

So here we go again.

Glastonbury 2009 has (un)officially kicked off and a day earlier than last year.

Seemingly desperate to escape the 9-5 the fesitval site was mostly filled up by Wednesday and currently Maximo Park are warming up for the other acts which follow tomorrow when the festival opens. Anyone who has to spend any time under canvas could surely apply for help under the human rights convention – it is boiling here.

But, as always, Glastonbury is threatened by the weather. It has to be the only festival in the world which includes ski gear as a clothing option. We’ve been told that the thunderstorms will hit tomorrow. Me and Photo Alex have brought what seems like an endless fashion parade of ill-thoght out clothing to prepare for the worst. We are camped on a flood plain afterall.

We are back this year to see if we can discover some comedy nirvana somewhere between the cabaret tent and the Shangri La and bring you coverage you won’t find adorning the insides of the other magazines.

I have to admit, I was a little worried about Glastonbury this year. All the announcements that were sent our way the comedy seemed to be distinctly lacking much comedy and what is billed as ‘the Glastonbury festival of performing arts’ looked like it had deliberately culled half of the ‘arts’ genre from its bill.

The Comedy tent has merged with theatre and the Leftfield tent is facing a lacklustre career helping village fete but we can say that some of the traditional Stalwarts are back, including Arthur Smith, Marcus Brigstocke, Phil Nichol, Brendan Burns, Josie Long (and the legendary Rolf Harris) amongst others but the stars of the weekend still remain to be discovered.

So, keep tuned for the weather reports from the Westcountry and we’ll do our best to find the rest with regular updates on our twitter feed And, if you have any questions, requests to put tosome of the finest comedy minds in the UK then send them in (email's at the bottom), otherwise enjoy the coverage from Last Year's Festival! 

Tim Clark